Stop Telling Me To Be Happy.........please

I appreciate that this title seems a bit weird for a blog all about growing joy but stay with me a while and I’ll hopefully explain.

When I observe the world around me, family, friends, acquaintances and connections on social media, there seems to be a focus on striving for happiness. Happiness is great but my concern is that “happy” is just one of hundreds of emotions that we are meant to feel. I fear the emphasis on being happy is causing people to be overly concerned when they’re not.

Did you know there are over 3,000 English words for emotions. And for some emotions there just isn’t an English word for it. So if there are 3,000 that we can name - why do we just focus on one?

In a thriving environment, diversity is always a winner. Think of gardens, our food we eat, the people we surround ourselves with. Diversity builds resilience, ensures all bases are covered and keeps things interesting. It's the same with our emotions. We need to feel a range of emotions to be living a thriving life because our emotions are messengers. Each one has something to tell us, and if we only ever open or listen to the happiness messenger we are likely missing out on some very vital information.

Let’s imagine you decide that you will never be angry ever again. Anger is a negative emotion right? Well every time that angry messenger turns up, you shut the door in its face. You don’t let it in. Now in this case let’s say the angry messenger is trying to tell us that those dishes left on the bench are making you angry. Nope we don’t listen. We clean up the dishes and move on. Day after day the angry messenger turns up and day after day you don’t let it in, despite it knocking louder and louder each time. Finally the angry messenger will break down the door resulting in you losing your shit at the family, turning dishes into something much larger than it actually is and more than likely yelling and leaving in tears (it’s not only me right?)

So instead of shutting the door, why not let the angry messenger in, sit with it and have a cuppa, listen to what it has to say and then let the messenger leave.

If we listened to the angry messenger we would know it was telling us something needs to change. That’s the thing with emotions.

Emotions really are our guides and messengers and we need to make sure we are making space and listening to ALL of them as they come and go.

Even the ones that make us feel uncomfortable. Whether you are feeling adored or abandoned, bliss or burdened, crushed or cherished, perplexed or peaceful - feel it but don’t cling to it.

How long we need to sit with any particular feeling is as individual as each of us but make sure you feel it. And to feel it you will need to make yourself present. When you get into the habit of doing this you’ll find that those “uncomfortable” emotions are more easy to name - Say It to Slay it! It’s amazing how actually using the right word for how you are feeling, gives you the road map to allow you to deal with it for those uncomfortable ones and appreciate it for those more pleasant feelings.

I still think some of the wisest words came from the priest at my brother's wedding. His advice was aimed at the bride and groom to cover marriage but I think it applies fully to life in general.

There will be good days, there will be bad days, but mostly there will be just days.

Each day we get to focus on something as we get out of bed, and I’m by no means suggesting that an uncomfortable feeling is what you should focus on. Science also shows that focusing on something positive helps provide a more pleasant day. What I’m really hoping you get from this is that we allow space for every feeling that is coming to us with its message. That way we are sure to be able to create a life that we actively participate and thrive in.

Nadine xx

How big is your emotional vocabulary? See if you can extend it to help you identify what it is you are feeling and therefore what it is telling you. Get in touch if you'd like my emotional vocabulary list sent to you for free