When you are no longer "needed"

Dearest,

How are you in this moment? What's the last piece of music you heard and I mean really heard. Where you find the music is the focus of the moment and what you are doing is because of that. Whether that is singing or dancing joyfully or perhaps its melancholier.

I've begun to write my next book, a romantic fiction this time, and I find I'm connecting pieces of music through the story. Having written about an eight of what I'll need to do, I'm just making sure I'm turning up consistently. At least four mornings each week. Do you have any long term projects that will require you to keep turning up? It's hard aye, but there is a satisfaction each time you do. Especially if you are someone like me who values completion! I need to reframe things to say just doing that morning's work is completion of that day's step, even though the novel itself is far from done. Let's keep going.

This weekend its, just me and my husband at home. Alone. We haven't had this in nearly 25 years. One of my clients asked what I was up to this weekend and when I told him that all our kids were away, together for the weekend, he exclaimed "Wow, that's a parenting win. You must look at that and realise your parenting is done. You're not needed anymore". While he definitely meant that as a moment of celebration, which it is, the "not being needed" part stung a little.

A different perspective was shared with me by friends later that night. Upon finding out of our weekend with no "kids" they wen "oh that's when you really find out if you still actually like each other still!" Another ouch moment though this time it wasn't for me. It was for all the people who find themselves in that position. Making the decision to ditch and run or to stay and get to know this version of the person you both once were.

Change, Dearest, is the only constant. I hope you are able to navigate it with bravery for the unknown, with hope for the potential, with kindness for when it feels overwhelming. Our lives are so unique I hope you give yourself space to focus on creating your own wonderful experience without pressure or guilt to replicate what you see around you. As Pink so wisely sings it in All I Know so Far

"I wish someone would have told me that this life is ours to choose. No ones handing you the keys or a book with all the rules."

Take care Dearest - of yourself, of others, of your thoughts, of your actions and of our beautiful world.

You are worthy - always

Ngā manaakitanga xx

PS: While I have been blessed to "parent" to this point, I know some people have lost loved ones, who had the option to continue to parent taken away from them too early. I hope precious memories provide comfort on the days and in the moments the grief.