A Valentines Gift for You

As I was meandering around our garden today it dawned on me how much has changed since we purchased the empty section 12 years ago and what my eyes were observing were bits and pieces of a vision set out long ago.

And it got me thinking - if we don't know what we want, how do we create a life we actively participate and thrive in!

Through my coaching sessions, when I provide my clients the "magic wand" that will transform their life into what ever they ask for I'm normally met with silence. Then they start talking about what they don't won't or won't be doing. But trying to get someone to tell you what their dream life looks like, feels like, smells like doesn't come easy. So if you can't name what you want, how can you move towards it?

One of the best ways I've seen clarity come to my clients is by getting them to write down what their dream life will look like in 10-15 years. I ask them to think about the type of house they will be living in, where are they living, the type of clothes they will be wearing, who they spend their time with, what are they doing/how are they spending their time on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly basis. What smells are in their lives, how are they feeling, what are they surrounded by, what sounds do they hear, what memories do they recall.

I've done this myself too and its amazing and scary how much of what you write down becomes reality.

So if you are someone, like so many of us, who isn't clear on what their dream life is, please give yourself a gift this valentines and gain clarity on what you want your life to be. Take a pen and paper and start with "It's 2033 and i am living in a.................". Don't think about the practicalities of turning this into reality, just think about what you actually want. You'll know when you are there as you will be buzzing with optimism and feeling energised at the thought that maybe, just maybe you might just get what you wrote. Some take a page, some take three - do what works for you.

But a vision without action is just wasted potential right? Sooo once you have written down your dream life now you will start taking small wee steps each week to move you closer to that life that at the moment feels like a fantasy. How the hell do you do that you ask? Read on.

Our lives are a reflection of our habits. Every day we have habits that will be moving us closer to the life we want and we will also have habits that are barriers to the life we want. There are a few ways we can ensure we foster more of the habits that are moving us in the right direction

Ask yourself - Is this habit moving me closer or further away from my dream life? Got some habit's that are moving you further away? Try the "Better than" approach.

The Better Than approach is when you keep making small steps to rid yourself of some of those habits that are setting you off course. Do you always reach for the chocolate each night even when you have been great all day? Try putting the chocolate at the back of the pantry (or even better try not buying it but lets assume its already onsite) Make it harder to get to and instead make things like protein balls/healthy snacks easier to reach or have a glass of water then wait 10 minutes before getting the chocolate. Or instead of having a line of chocolate have just a square and really be present when you have the square - hold it in your hand, feel the edges, place it in your mouth and just hold it in there, noticing the flavours and the parts of your mouth that can feel it. When you finally bite into it think about the texture and what, if any resistance you felt as your teeth sank into it.

Better than doesn't have to be big or perfect - it just needs to be better than your usual.

To help with building habits that support the type of life you want to live I find a weekly focus session works a treat. It only takes 10 minutes so if you think you don't have the time you do. And if you really think you don't have the time you do. And if you really really think you don't have the time you do and what you actually need to admit to yourself is that creating a life that you actively participate and thrive in isn't your priority - and that just makes me sad.

A weekly focus session involves three commitments which you write down.

Today I will [insert action - eg clear my emails] - this one encourages immediate action.

Everyday this week I will [insert action - eg drink 8 glasses of water] - this one supports creating great habits.

This week I will [insert action - eg set up a payment to savings account] - this one is a little step now that your future self will thank you for.

Ties these actions back to your dream life/goals and watch out for the amazing things that will flow.

Now everything that is worthwhile takes effort and mahi. That's what makes it so rewarding when you get there. There will be some days/weeks where it just feels too hard - during those times give yourself a break and just pause if that's what's needed but keep doing the work because you have it in you. I truly believe that with every inch of my being. You've got this!

Wishing you a wonderful and non commercialised Valentines Day - where you give yourself and loved ones the gift of presence, time in nature and maybe a random act of kindness chucked in for good measure.

Nadine xx